Free Head

 (Pictured above) an adult male zen beaver relaxes at Emerald Lake, whilst sucking on the sacred salty plankton sativa plant. This sends the beaver into a meditative state… where he can then do his best “wood work” and contribute to the betterment of beaver society. 

What are zen beavers? The official scientific Wikipedia information on them reads as follows [ ZehN  Bee-VRz ]:        

• The Zen Beaver (genus Castor) … is large semi-aquatic meditative rodent which has a stout body, a bold new taste, and a larger than normal “penisian head” or “dome”. One that features long, chisel-like incisors. Ribbed, for her pleasure, this breed also has a flat, scaly tail loaded with poisonous gasses. Quite the charmer…

 The diet of the typical North American zen beaver consists of: tree bark, aquatic plants, your mama’s bush, and various “wood fragmentations” (especially if they be of the yummy variety.)

•  Zen beavers are different from regular nocturnal dwelling beavers in many ways. For instance… a typical zen beaver “starts the party” at around six in the morning with the traditional zen beaver “toke of awakening” - a silent reflection period over toast and dangerous levels of caffeine inhalation. Zen beavers begin working on their best creative ideas by seven… and do more genuine work by noon… than a generic beaver would get done in a day. To fight against the many current injustices and (general douchey behaviour) … zen beavers are known to form wood based (or “acoustic”) world jazz/hip hop units to combat this as well as the Matrix of dip-shit-ian leadership plaguing society. Defenders of goodness. Fighters of stinky poo-doo music. Read on.